


A World Too Heavy

by KirksTrek (WinchesterFeels)



Series: How Many Times Can I Say "I Love You" [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Although it could work for TOS I had reboot in mind when writing this, Caretaking, Drinking, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Prompt Fic, Reboot, mckirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 19:54:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinchesterFeels/pseuds/KirksTrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quiet night with drinking and emotions, ending in a way neither of them thought possible. Honestly kinda cheesy and fluffy, but it was fun to write.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A World Too Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually a fic written in response (basically) to a head canon exchange with tumblr user boldlygobonesy (ao3 user charsane). 
> 
> Title inspired by Panic! At The Disco's song Always.

“Well, that didn’t go as badly as last year,” Jim said, attempting to lighten Bones’ drunken depression on their way home. All he got was one of Bones’ signature looks, the one that said shut up you idiot.

That day marked the 2 year anniversary of Bones’ divorce, and he wasn’t taking it too well. The past two years, around this time, he would miss home even more. He would miss all that he remembered and what he thought he once had and everything that left his life when she did.

Jim was right though, this was an improvement over last year’s misery. Last year... He actually didn’t remember much about last year. He assumed that in itself is an indication of how far gone he was. Jim had found him that night in one of his favorite bars, off the beaten path and nearly abandoned in the late summer academy lull. All he really has to go off of in terms of rating this year to last was what Jim told him about last year’s occurrence. And all Jim ever told him was that he was glad he found him when he did - that he couldn’t have made it back to his dorm alone, probably couldn’t have even stood up if he stayed as long as he wanted to. 

This year was different though. Because Bones didn’t go out alone. This time, he took Jim with him from the start of the night’s spiral. They’d come to know each other pretty damn well over the past 2 years, and it turned out they made really good drinking buddies. Whenever they went out for fun, Jim would work the crowd at the most popular of clubs, talking to at least a dozen women a night, but never bringing any home with him. But when one of them was hurting, there was no question: they would stick by each other. To talk if the other wanted, but mainly to just provide a quiet, comforting presence. 

That night they sat at the bar for a couple of hours, each carefully nursing their bourbon, like that night the alcohol was something to be cherished rather than shot back for the sake of forgetting. Because it was. They stared off into the distance and lost themselves in thought. But every so often, they would steal secret glances at the other. And, ok, maybe it was more often than not that one was looking at the other. But their justification for it was undoubtedly the care they had for one another. 

Care that had gone unvoiced and rarely acted upon from the moment they met. 

After Bones felt like he was drunk enough, he spoke up, and Jim got them out of there. He helped them back to Bones’ dorm room, where he’d basically moved in, because it was bigger and with better company than his academy-assigned dorm. They walked through the dimly lit streets and paths through campus in the cool San Franciscan night without saying much. Jim tried his best to keep his friend with him, or at least awake enough to think, and Bones complied fairly willingly.

They made their way slowly to the turbolift, with Bones leaning heavily on Jim’s shoulder. When they got to the right floor, they trudged down the quiet hallway, and Jim entered Bones’ passcode into the door with his free hand.

Jim sat Bones on the bed and made his way to their now-shared closet. He unbuttoned his coat and hung it up, doing the same with his pants. In only an undershirt and boxers, he went back over to Bones, who was now lying on his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

Bones was vaguely aware of Jim carefully undressing him, starting with his shoes, then peeling off his socks one by one. He felt Jim slipping off his pants, and nothing crossed his mind but gratitude. They’d done this too much for it to feel weird now. Jim came back from putting his pants in the closet, and gently tugged on one of his hands.

“Come on, Bones. Let’s get that jacket off of ya before you pass out,” he said smiling slightly. He helped the doctor sit up, then carefully slid off his jacket, pulling off the shirt underneath it for good measure, and leaving Bones with as much clothing as he had: undershirt and boxers. 

Bones watched Jim as he walked to the closet and felt a wave of emotion come over him. He looked at Jim and he saw what he’d lost without his wife. He saw what he was looking for in his drinking. And he knew, he knew, that it would still be there when he was sober. It had been there for a while, but it took him way longer than it should have for him to realize that this was what he wanted. That this was exactly what he wanted during the hangover that was bound to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, a year from now, forever. He knew he finally, finally found what he was looking for.

Jim turned around from putting the clothes back in the closet, only to find Bones looking at him curiously. But Jim didn’t question it; he just smiled and sat down next to his best friend. He’d known for a while that he would do anything, put up with anything, be anything for Bones if he so much as asked. Seeing Bones look at him that way, questioningly but softly, as if he was trying to figure Jim out, made his heart melt. It gave him the inexplicable courage to say what he’d been meaning to say for a long time. 

Neither noticed the other as they simultaneously took a deep breath. 

“I love you,” they said in unison. 

Then the silence. They just stared at each other for a moment, hoping not to have misheard the other and wanting so badly for what they did hear to be true.

Then the joy. The incomprehensible elation that bubbled out of the deepest recesses of their hearts, bringing light to all the darkness and sadness they’d ever known. The kind of ecstasy that can’t help but be shown. They broke out with blinding smiles and just sat there for a minute, grinning at each other like idiots. 

Jim reached across the short distance separating them and wrapped Bones in a hug. Through the simple touch of their skin, so many emotions were transferred. There was so much happiness it was nearly tangible. There was also a newly present, or more likely newly recognized, need that existed in their desperate embrace. Jim nearly pulled Leo onto his lap, he held on so tight. He couldn’t bear the thought of having to let go.

But when they did, it was only for a moment, because Bones was leaning in. Their lips met less than a second later, filling them both with euphoria. They kissed gently at first, slow and sweet and everything that both dreamed their first kiss together would be.

Then Bones swung his legs around so he was straddling Jim’s lap, threading his fingers through Jim’s beautiful blond hair and kissing him harder. With every passing moment, their kisses became more passionate, more heated. Combining gentle hair pulling, tongue, and light lip nipping, they were both kissing like they hadn’t in a really, really long time, and oh god it just felt so good. 

All too soon they had to break apart and come up for air. But they never fully separated. Jim kept his fingers in Bones’ hair, and pressed their foreheads together. He was panting, but he was so much more than happy; words just couldn’t describe how fantastic he was feeling. How completely happy they both were. 

Bones leaned in again, but Jim pulled back a bit. Not enough to separate them, but enough that they could talk. Jim looked into his eyes dreamily for a moment, then brought himself to say what was on his mind.

“Thank you, Bones. Just... Thank you. For everything. But I can’t go further than this tonight. Not when you’re drunk,” and, upon seeing Bones’ understanding-yet-disappointed face, “ask me in the morning.” He wrapped Bones in another tight hug, resting his head on his shoulder, gently rubbing his back, and holding on tight as Bones did the same. After a while, he pulled away from Bones, and pressed a soft kiss on his forehead. Jim rolled away to the side of the bed, pulling back the covers and saying “Come on, Bonesy. Time for bed,”

Bones couldn’t do anything but nod as he got under the blankets, feeling Jim slide in beside him. He smiled as Jim twined their legs together and rested his head on Bones’ shoulder blade. Jim then wrapped one of his arms around his torso, and pulled Bones’ back flush against his chest. Although he wasn’t anywhere near tired yet, not after that fantastic revelation, Bones wasn’t about to pass up on this wonderful opportunity. He hadn’t pegged Jim as a cuddler, but he had his opinion completely changed the first night he let Jim crash at his place, and had woken up being koala bear hugged by none other than Jim Kirk. 

But Bones wasn’t quite done yet; not quite comfortable enough to resign himself to sleep. He rolled himself over, without disentangling their legs, so he was facing Jim. Though Jim didn’t stir, his arms remained wrapped tightly around Bones’ midsection, like he was holding on for dear life. Bones rested one of his arms over Jim’s back, and pulled his other arm up to hold the back of Jim’s head, shifting to clutch it protectively against his chest. He set his chin lightly on Jim’s head, and simply held him, like he always wanted to. He breathed a light, contented sigh, and squeezed Jim a little tighter as his mind faded out of focus.

The pair drifted off into the land of unconsciousness in each others arms, and truly happy for the first time in a long, long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! And thanks to charsane for agreeing to do this with me!


End file.
